Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Another Day in the Life of an E-Sports Wife

Once again, Breaky is taking off to broadcast another fabulous event. This time in California!

He is broadcasting the "MarsTV Dota 2 League which you can watch here: and Breaky will start later tonight (hopefully) but still check it out!

Watch live video from EvilGeniuses on

My last blog post about Breaky leaving and traveling was a bit negative and a little sad. I think that had partly to do with that I missed him and it was our anniversary. I highlighted some of the things I forget from last time like realizing how much louder little noises are in the middle of the night, or how much I rely on him for day-to-day chores.

So, this time, I am going to highlight some of the more positive things about having Breaky traveling and out of the house.

  • I can get away with rearranging the basement (Breaky is a kind of "if it isn't broke, don't fix it kinda guy)
  • A lot of cleaning gets done. I am the kind of person that if I am cleaning, everyone cleans. Makes it hard on a marriage if your significant other isn't cleaning too. So I wait until I am alone to really clean
  • I don't worry about having to explain how I finished that container of ice cream I bought on a whim. Hey, I did yoga today, and I earned a treat!
  • Same as above with a sleeve of Oreos. You could bribe me to do unspeakable things for Oreos. 
  • I get all the puppy snuggles to myself
  • The dishwasher gets loaded the correct way :) 
  • I can actually eat pickles, fish and olives! 
  • No one will know I poured myself that second glass of wine. Except the dog, but she doesn't judge. 
  • I know my husband is having a great time doing what he loves and there are people around him who support him
  • I also know my husband will soon be on his way back to me and our puppy and that puts a smile on my face more than anything else

So, I will miss him this time, and all times coming, but overall it is not that bad. He gets to do what he loves! Safe travels love. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

We Were Louder Than the DJ

So, buried in my little blog a month ago was a blurb about how Breaky and I were going to go to a Billy Talent concert in little ol' Kalamazoo and how much their music means to me.

Well, it happened, ladies and gents. Billy Talent came to Kalamazoo, or "Kzoo" if you will.


Got to see my roommate from my freshman year of college. Hadn't seen her in 9 years. 9. Years. We picked up where we left off, and it was like neither of us had aged a day. (I'm 30 years old, so this is a big deal, ok?)

The venue is not the largest venue in the surrounding Kalamazoo area. Which made it all the more amazing. To tell you how chill everything was, I have to tell a little story.

So, we are standing in line to get in. Perhaps a little early? Maybe. We were in the front-ish of the line, and chit-chatting, taking selfies, Breaky watching football on his phone every 5 minutes or so, Jessy and I reminiscing about live in our little dorm room freshman year. An individual in the parking lot caught my eye, and my heart skipped a beat. The lead singer, Ben Kowalewicz (I had to look up how to spell his last name and still had to fix it three times...) was just strolling in the parking lot. Jessy turned around, caught his eye, and in a sort of out-of-body experience, just waved to him. She said later it was the only thing she could think of. He waved back, smiled and said "hey guys" because by that point, everyone else in our group waved back.Super chill. Casual. Like it was no big deal. It was a pretty big deal to us, especially Jessy, who has been a fan for like, 15 years.

As I mentioned before, the venue was relatively small, but it was also outside. It was an absolutely gorgeous night.

Picture of one of the opening bands! 

They had two opening bands, both of whom were pretty good. We chilled in a few seats by the merch table with a few drinks. By the time Billy Talent came on, we were still able to get relatively close to the stage, but not too close to get engulfed in the mini-mosh pit that formed for a few seconds during a few songs.

The band played some songs from their new album, which I love by the way, check it out if you haven't, specifically (that I can remember): "Afraid of Heights", "Louder than the DJ"and  "Ghost Ship of Cannibal Rats." I have to admit, when Ben started talking about a particular "ship" I think I was the only one who lost their minds, because honestly I really like that song... so I started screaming, only to realize it was pretty darn quiet...

But on top of the new stuff, they did a really good job of hyping the crowd with some older favorites. They did a great job of engaging the crowd, I think. Or maybe I was the only one bouncing around like an idiot, screaming at the top of my lungs with my fist in the air for the entire set. Hell, either way, I had a good time. Breaky may be considering a trail separation just to get some distance between him and this crazy lady who almost hit a few people with her clutch purse during a Billy Talent concert, but I had fun. That's what matters. That's also what is nice about getting older. You care less and less about what other people think of you and you do you. Me? I rocked my little heart out.

The set ended, and we noticed the band went in to the back, where the entrance to Wild Bull was. Hoping they may do some autograph signing, we stuck around for like, 2 minutes, checked Will Bull just for fun, then Jessy and her friend (who is also a Jessica!) had to get back to the east side of the state, and Breaky and I needed to get home to DogCPK, because we had left for a late lunch/early dinner around 3.

So while I had purchased a few things in the off-chance I may get an autograph, we were unsuccessful in obtaining any. But if that meant that the band got to enjoy more of Kalamazoo, I'm pretty cool with it.

My ears have resumed natural function, and I still have a voice. I'd say an overall success. Thank you to Billy Talent for visiting Kalamazoo and putting on a great show.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

A Long Time Coming

I think I have had a version of this blog post in my drafts pretty much since, like, June.

As many of you have heard, my husband, BreakyCPK of Heroes of Newerth fame has gone freelance. He is on his own, doing his thing. No longer working full-time for Frostburn or S2Games or any other incarnation of where he has been working for over 6 years. He has decided to cast and stream full-time and do contract work for videos and events when companies are interested.

As his wife, partner, confidant and best friend, I could not be more happy and proud that he chose to follow his passion.

However, this was not a spur of the moment thing. It was also not a solo decision on Breaky's part. We have had hours and hours of conversation, arguments, tears, joy, relief, anxiety and discussions about what we both wanted for our mutual future. The what-ifs, the desire to pay it safe, the competing desire to be happy, the timeline.....etc....I knew if I had a problem with it, it would not have happened. He would give up his true passion for stability if I truly wished for it.

What makes me happiest in the world is to see my husband happy and really enjoying his work, which happens when he is broadcasting video games and streaming. I have been in jobs that brought me no joy, and the prospect of seeing Breaky go through that is more scary than being financially unstable for a little while. So I unequivocally told Breaky I would support his decision to quit and be a professional streamer/broadcaster on his own if that is what he truly wanted to do.

Why am I oversharing you ask? Everyone for years has been encouraging Breaky to break-out into Dota2 or CS:GO or something, anything, for years! They are so confident that it would be an easy transition and he would be successful and there wasn't even a question about what he should do. A decision like that is NOT easy, especially since it means leaving a stable, steady income generating, benefit-fulled, full time position when you have a family. Adult responsibilities suck, and it is something to consider and plan for when following your dreams, but it should not put a stop to that pursuit.

Despite all the worry and stress and stuff that seemed to go along with this decision, there have been some really fun parts too. Talking about what games he should cast, what his logo should look like, how we will manage his calendar (I am sorta his unofficial "manager"), his day-to-day schedule, hearing from people we haven't in years and both families being super supportive of our decision.

Tomorrow (Friday the 16th of September), at 12:00pm EST/1800 CET he is doing an "ask me anything" on his twitch channel: I will be tuning in, and will probably link it from my Facebook page as well.

I welcome this new road and new adventure. I am thrilled and honored to be married to this man. I love you sweetheart. <3

Friday, September 9, 2016

A New Chapter, a Guest Blog Post: BreakyCPK

A little over 7 years ago I was given a beta key for a “dota like game” from a guild mate of mine while playing World of Warcraft.  I decided to give it a shot, seeing that I was an avid dota player and this was supposed to be an upgraded version of the game with better graphics, a better UI, etc.  Pretty much right away I was sold, but little did I know it would become a game that would change my life in so many positive ways over time.

 I am not going to go over every detail, you can find the story of how I got into casting here.  However I am creating this post to officially announce that I will no longer be a full time employee with Frostburn Studios and Heroes of Newerth.  I will still be working on a contract basis with them for video projects and future events, however I am advancing on to the next chapter of my career.

 What is that?  Well, as of September 15th I will officially consider myself to be a full time streamer / esports caster, something I am very passionate about and want to continue to pursue.  I do not have a specific game I plan to pursue, but instead I want to keep my options open to any opportunities that may be out there, whether it be casting a weekend tournament, or hosting a LAN event.  So if  you or you know of any opportunities such as these, feel free to reach out to me at

 Now with that in mind, of course there are some obvious games in which I plan to start diving into, most noticeably Dota 2.  And I do plan to not only play a bit if anything to help learn the game more, but also cast any events I can to start gaining more experience with it.  But I do also plan to both play and cast other games out there, even other genre of games from the MOBA scene.  Simply put, I want to be a caster of esports as a whole!

 I also know that this is something I will need to commit to as much as I can.  I am not expecting anything just because of my history with HoN and I wouldn’t want it that way anyways.  Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get as much of a reach as I would have liked in the esports community, mainly because I was restricted with HoN when it came to casting/streaming stuff, which of course was understandable.  But now I am finally ready and after discussing it with my wife for some time now, we feel comfortable enough to at least give this avenue a shot.

 I will admit, part of me is a little scared.  I am leaving a full time job with a good salary that has allowed me to live a comfortable lifestyle for the last 3 years or so.  From buying a house, to buying a new truck, to of course marrying my awesome wife (you know her as the good geek wife!), it has provided me so much and I am so thankful for that.  But with the constant messages from fans and the community concerning “when are you going to cast x game” and just frankly my own desire of wanting to expand, now is the time.

 I plan to do an “official launch” stream with a live AMA on September 16th at 12pm EST / 1800 CET, at my twitch channel of  where I will answer the most questions I can concerning my history with HoN, and what I plan to do for my future, etc.

 Usually at the end of posts like this, you may expect the thank yous to come out, listing names and what not.  Honestly, as much as I would love to do that, there really is just way too many people to thank for this journey that I have had with HoN.  So instead I will just say Thank you to everyone that I have ever worked with, thanks to the community, and I am SO excited to experience this next chapter of my life as a full time streamer.  THE CPKAPPAS WILL REUNITE!

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

WoW Widows Unite!

A WoW widow, to me at least, is someone who has essentially temporarily lost their significant others to WoW or World of Warcraft. Sometimes this epidemic can be permanent if communication of unhappiness and discontentment continues. Right now, I am a bit of a WoW Widow. I am surviving.

So, unless you have been living under a rock, or have nothing to do with gaming what-so-ever, you may have missed the big release of World of Warcraft expansion: Legion.

Side note: I did pop on to Facebook to make sure 1. I was giving correct name information on the expansion and game and 2. spelling everything correctly, because heaven forbid I'm human and make a typo. When I typed in World of Warcraft in search, underneath "World of Warcraft" it said Games/Toys. I had to chuckle, because I am positive if I called this game a "toy" to anyone who is at all playing the game I would be turned in to a sheep or something.

Ok, back to the originally scheduled blog post.

As you may remember, I did the whole World of Warcraft for a short spell. Basically to get some pretty cool stuff for Hearthstone (a "spin-off" game if you will) and it made for a pretty interesting blog post. Needless to say, I can't keep up with my husband and our good friends when it comes to grinding and really leveling up. In a game like that, I want to learn what I'm doing, read about the lore, take my time, and as with most games, play by myself (with the exception of a few co-op games with Breaky and Overwatch of course).

So, Breaky and his friends got the expansion and pretty much has been spending any free time playing. With the exception of forgetting to take the dog out and leaving her to roam upstairs by herself, which we don't do anymore (because of the loss of 2 cords, one pair of prescription glasses, one pair of sun glasses, one tan pump, three crate beds, part of our carpet, a few books and a few coasters,) he's been pretty good about keeping "real-life" things in perspective and latching on to my not-so-subtle clues to my need for attention. That doesn't mean that while he's downstairs in Azeroth, I may not be a little salty while figuring out where those pans go BECAUSE THEY DO NOT GO ABOVE THE TOASTER OVEN SWEETHEART and evidently they "don't fit" in the drawer below the oven.

It was a struggle to figure out what I wanted to write about this week and when I brought up the whole "WoW Widow" idea to Breaky, he staunchly defended his interest in playing WoW and this expansion. I wasn't looking for a 10 minute introspective as to the importance of the story-line and how this particular expansion was something he had been waiting for for, like 6 years. It was like he thought I was complaining at him, which I *never* do, and had to defend himself and his interest in playing the game.  Well, didn't that just solidify this week's blog post. :)

Now, if you are reading this and you are like, "oh my God I can relate, my significant other is super in to WoW and I don't know what to do!" Great, welcome to the club. Take a seat. Let's form a support group. We should have a logo, like "I am a WoW widow, but I am okay with it." The only piece of advice I can give is be as supportive as you can be without being walked on. Communicate when you feel like it is getting out of hand without insulting the game or your significant other. Compromise, because this game is important to them, and sometimes schedules can get tricky, as you often have more than 3 people trying to raid together.

This is my second rodeo, so to speak. My boyfriend in college got in to the game when it first launched (World of Warcraft, not just Warcraft. I'm not that old thankyouverymuch), and I have to admit, neither of us were super good at communicating our feelings, which resulted in a pretty complicated breakup come that January. I am not saying I'm super good at communicating my feelings in a mature, calm and collected manner, especially if you ask Breaky (don't, by the way), but at least I recognize that there is a better way to address your concerns about you being temporarily widowed by a game. I say temporary, because like many things in this life, the hype will fade and interests will be diverted. However, if you do feel like communication and compromise (yes, compromise!) do not work, maybe some professional intervention may be necessary (as a kind of last resort).

If you are reading this and are like "I play a lot of WoW and maybe my significant other doesn't get as much attention as they should get" maybe you should have them read this blog. Honestly, they should be reading this blog anyway, but I feel that way about everyone. Make sure you are communicating your schedule and commitment to this game with your significant other. Try to carve out some "real-life" time with them so they do not feel neglected. Talk with them about your character, or the lore. Share with them the stuff that makes you so obsessed with the game. This is important to you, and for them to understand, seeing you enthusiastic about your hobby is one sure-fire way to do so. There is nothing that makes me feel better than hearing Breaky talk on and on about his passions, even if I don't understand half of what he is saying. He is sharing something that means something to him with me. That makes me feel important.

So kids, what did we learn today?

Communicate and balance.