Monday, March 6, 2017

Only When He Leaves

This sh*t (literally) only seems to happen when he is gone.

So, in case any of you did not know, Breaky is gone for a full week (and a few days) to cast the qualifiers for a Dota2 major event. I wrote two different blog posts (1 and 2) about what it is like to have a spouse who leaves all the time for events like this.

We have a pretty good system going regarding our day-to-day lives, both when he is here and when he is not. Ever since he went free-lance, it has been nice, as he takes DogCPK out for her first walk of the day before he starts streaming, and she can hang out with him while he streams. This means I can stay at work and have a working lunch. When he is gone, I go home during lunch, take her for a walk and then come home and take her for another one (or let her play outside on the lead... depending on how nice the weather is).

She needs to have at least one long-ish walk halfway through the day, or else our guard dog thinks she must protect us from scary things like, oh, cords, glasses, heels, carpet etc... So keeping her exercised is a very, very good idea. If I wrote about DogCPK's shenanigans, this blog would be more aptly called The Sometimes-Good-But-Sometimes-Naughty Geek Dog.

"Wanna play some Hearthstone? Let me sit between you and the laptop
That helps, right mom?"

But this crazy antic happened during my lunch walk and I couldn't help but write about it in my head, and it made me laugh out loud.

So. DogCPK was very happy to go for her walk today. Lots and lots of energy. Having had our dog for about a year, we know she usually is quite rambunctious right before she has to potty. Now if potty talk makes you uncomfortable, you might as well stop right there, because this story is about poo. Sorry (not really).

So, DogCPK is zooming back and forth, and I can tell a #2 is a-coming. So, as to expedite the process of doggy doo pick-up, because let's be honest, no one looks hot or sexy picking up dog crap, I get a baggie ready. She's doin' her bizznazz, and I notice that she's getting done, but there is some still kinda hanging on. I watch with eyes rolling as she darts away with not one, but two completely separate dingleberries stuck to her behind. One goes flying on to the other side of the sidewalk, as the other is still.... well.... stuck. She's hunching over, while still running around mind you, trying to get it out, all the while, I'm chasing after her with the bag trying to swipe it away.

Giving up, I pick up the two separate piles and get another bag, trying to get the berry swinging from her rafters as she is avoiding me like the plague. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want anything to do with a crazy lady with two bags that smell like my poo trying to touch my butt all while I have something stuck to my backdoor. Finally, she cowers over, and I am able to grab the once flying feces.

So now I have two bags of poo, a dog who is spooked out of her mind, and I am getting a third bag to put the other two in (because I have no idea how much, if any, poo got anywhere else), when, wouldn't my luck just have it, two joggers came flying by. I am trying to juggle the now Matryoshka doll of doggy poo-bags, with my dog making circles around my legs, while I get tangled with the leash causing me to  do this weird kind of curtsy to the nice gentleman who passed by.

Sorry gentlemen, I am taken.... because you all know I was 10 kinds of sexy right there.

Of course, this all happened on a pretty busy residential street near where we live, so I am sure as we speak someone is getting a huge number of views or likes on whatever they could record of my very sexy little dance I had to do with my dog. Because that's my luck.

The rest of the walk was uneventful. Well, except for her horrendous bark/whimpers she does when she sees another dog and wants to play. You think, if you heard her, that we were torturing her. No, DogCPK, we will not let you cross a busy intersection to play with a Dalmatian who looks like he would rather not have anything to do with you. And I swear, nice looking Dalmatian owner, I am not hurting my freaking-out-dog, she just wants to play. *facepalm*

 Who's a good girl? YES, YOU ARE!

Do I miss Breaky? Yes. He is a wonderful husband and a great Dad to our dog. I miss him greatly because he is also my best friend. But I am looking forward to the day that I will not have to wash my hands 80 times when I get back from my walks because miss-poos a lot can't seem to figure out how to poop correctly. 

Disclaimer: I love my dog very, very much and I know this was not her fault. How could I stay mad at this face: 

1 comment:

  1. My dog sometimes used to run around with poo stuck to her butt too. I can relate! :D